When you stand and look at a river you can sometimes see the bottom and sometimes you can’t! Sort of like our lives sometimes there is times when things are super clear and other times they are super foggy. I have been thinking about this a lot in the last bit as I have been trying hard to figure out who I am........there are some friends that would really close the door on me in the last little bit due to my choices and that is there choice, and there are some who would really support me, if you know the struggles I have had you are lucky. Some will know some and others will know others, I think I can count on 1 hand those that know all the struggles I have been going through, but that is neither here or there. The point is I hit my lowest point in the last month, it was not the divorce, it was not that I was per say alone; it was that I was alone!
I have friends yes, but sometimes you get to that point where you want to be you, you don’t want to call a friend and hear “how are you doing?......oh and how is the divorce going?” sometimes we need to hear “how are you doing? Hey I was thinking we should get together and have some fun” or “hey how are you really feeling?” and let the person cry, don’t try to fix it, don’t say it will get better (because it is not better right now), if they say something you know is not in the their beliefs let them have their moments, truly support your friends and say hey it is going to be okay in time….time heals things!
I think the thing that has been the hardest, is I have hide for almost the last 2 months my thoughts and feelings and it has been too much, I turned to someone I knew would not judge me at all, and walked down a road that was a hard emotional road, BUT it taught me a TON! I still respect that person a lot and it is not their fault, that road became what it was it was and it is my fault. A lot of it had and has to do with self-confidence and self-esteem, when you are looking for that sometimes you do things you should not do. Have I changed things totally yet? No, I am at the point totally, I know I need too but what I need to do and what I want to do it not always on the same page. Do I want to talk to everyone about where I am? NO……so if you don’t know what is this part is all about please leave it there (I am working on it slowly) with time I will figure it all out.
For those do know, close and far, THANK-YOU, for helping me become a little stronger, thank you for helping work on my self-esteem, thank you for not judging me. I am a simple girl who just needs a little true love to get through a tough spot. To laugh and be me, some of that is the good girl that some think and believe and should be and some is not, Heaven knows we all go through our moments when we need to figure out who we are and where we come from.
I am thankful for a person I now called a friend who has helped me see whether we are living the best LDS life or not, there is always still a God that loves us and is there for us and I am thankful for that. I know that I am loved by God too, and the rest will come together how it is suppose too. (and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas right? J) Sometime, we settle for things and sometimes we shouldn’t and we should fight to be the person we need to be or fight for something we really want. All I know is because of this friend I have a different out look on life and I am thankful for that, I am thankful for the chance to get to know them and I am so thankful for our chats, I hope you have enjoyed them as much as me. Life is amazing and we need to remember that.
My current goal right now is to not be so hard on myself and take time to see the beauty in life.
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