I have a hard time saying Thank you, and well I think I need to......
To the Mexican that has taught me a TON, he is the person I feel the safest with, I trust him with my life at this point, I know he would not hurt me and I know he would kick any ones butt that hurt me, we might now talk every day and we might not totally understand each other all the time but he is someone that holds a special place in my heart, he made a comment 2 weeks ago that keep replying in my mind, "this is the happiest I have seen you, you need to find that more" As I cried most of the way home that night I realized he was right, he has watched me go through some of the TOUGHEST moments in my life, close and afar....my tears have been shed and some he knows nothing about but yet helped me through that moment. My heart aches for him when he hurts too....I want to take away his pain, it is hard to watch someone be hurt by the person that is suppose to love them. His kind and gentle heart gets him hurt. All I can say without saying to much is THANK-YOU from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being my support, thank you for keeping me safe and thank you for teaching me who I am now to stand up and fight more for me.....(lets see how that goes :) )
To the closest friend I have ever had, who can make me cry in 30seconds flat and well call me on things.....
I have never felt so happy to see you and in the same breath so scared to see you.....I know it has been a few years and yet it feels like just yesterday at the same point. I am so happy to see you married and happy, I could never have wished for more for you....I miss that we don't talk as much but I know why and I am again okay with that. hard to believe this year will be 19-20yrs since we met, how time has gone by.....we have seen many phases in each others lives, dating other people, dating/playing ourselves....dating others some more, moving, getting married, having kids, and now me going through a divorce and me trying to figure out me again.....you are one of the first ones to call me on things, hence why I was afraid to see you...and talk to you, I did not want to be called on things and I knew I couldn't lie to you which hurt more because I just wanted to lie this weekend I wanted to pretend everything was so good and so wonderful and I couldn't. There is not many that will EVER truly know what I am going through right now, but I knew without a doubt you would be the last person to judge me and I needed that, I needed a safe place, and I need to know that I was still loved, and even know sitting here crying hearing the words that you are "loved and don't forget it" still hurt.....I am struggling to know that, I want it so much but so afraid it is not true. The fear of being alone, the fear of not being loved is a huge thing....and just the simple words means alot. I am thankful for the perspective you put on things, you always make it seem possible vs the impossible which I tend to lean too sadly. I guess it is so easy to trust you and the things you say because of where I know we have both been, I know we have always had our different struggles (some have been the same) but for the most part we have both been able to pick up the pieces and become amazing in our own lives. I know for me I will be able to do it again but it is probably going to a little more time then I was really wanting to admit too, but as I think of the red water and how it became white I know without a doubt mine will become white again one day again. Thank you for being a cheerleader for some many years, Thank you for being the person to tell me when I am being dumb and telling me when I am doing GREAT. Thank you for being you and being amazing your family is blessed to have you.
To the person, I have never met in person but has become a GREAT friend, thank you for not judging me for being the person I cant talk to and be myself, many little night talks and many good laughs and a few tears shed in there. You are a person I think a ton of you are a hard worker, a person that deserves to be loved. in a short time you have taught me to be a little easier (well maybe a LOT) on myself, to give myself a break that we are allowed to have short comings and that we are not always going to be perfect and that has been a hard one for me, I want so badly to be perfect for everyone but myself and all that is doing is hurting myself, so here is to slowly finding myself and being a little easier on myself. I would love to one day sit and talk face to face, it may never happen but know that you have played a part in helping me find myself again since this evil divorce. Thank you for the friendship, and thank you for the laughs when I needed them.
To my dear friend who is harder on herself than me....(which trust me is a hard thing) thank you for allowing me to be me...we have both been through some hard moments in the last few months both going through dumb male issues, but in a away I am glad for those dumb male issues you have become one of my best female friends and that takes alot, (as there is to much drama in females at times) our many hours of talking on the phone and many texts back and forth....I don't know where I would be without you....i wish I could take away your hard times but I know we all need them a little so we can enjoy the GREAT times a little more! I just hope one day we slow down a little in our lives
To the longest closest female friend......LOL you are so lucky to have a CRAZY me in your life.....thank you for being a GREAT aunt to my kids and thank you for not judging me in my craziness this weekend...or ever as I know there is alot of times I would have thrown me to the side ;) I wish you were closer I miss hanging out as much.....thank you for allowing me to be me....
There are many others, but these are just a few that have helped in the last few weeks a TON!!!! and I needed it! :) thank-you.....I struggle a ton to allow me to be me, and I am struggling to know who and what I want so it is nice when friends are there to support you in your crazy moments!
No comments:
Post a Comment